What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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