I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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