I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
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You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize