Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You need a sexual gate keeper
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
