My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
