She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
