just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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