how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
