i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
