he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
