booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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