after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
