he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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