You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
