I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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