You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize