it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
