I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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