Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
