it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
