am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
