Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
