If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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