I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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