Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
