ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
