I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is my gift to your gina
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
