It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
is wine microwaveable?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
