Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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