whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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