Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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