Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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