During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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