This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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