I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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