i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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