I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
