batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
