Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
