her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
