I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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