So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
