Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
