I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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