apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
