I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I lost the right to judge tonight
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
