there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think your dad took our porno
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
