Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This is the high leading the old right now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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