you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
