mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
