ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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