dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
