I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
