Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
