So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
