I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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