That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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