But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
