Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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