Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
