Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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