He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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