Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
