she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i think i just lost a toe
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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