so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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