He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
