I look better un-naked...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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