There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
