Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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