When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
