You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
