Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
