the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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