I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
organizing the empties. That sober.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
